This note has nothing to do with photography or deviantart at all. I just feel like writing it.

This week has been a complete wake up call.
Since I got to college, I've been continually backsliding in my walk with God.
How wrong is that?
Go to a christian college, to become more un-christian?
I don't even know.
I began the year alright. Worried, shy, studious, friendly.
Hearing the sermons and seeing how people live completely confused me as to how a christian should really live.
So I started studying who God really is. Not what people tell me. Not what preachers preach. Not what my parents handed down to me. Not even what I thought about it. But directly what the bible says and shows about God.
I've been completely astounded in my findings. God is not a "shy, friendly" kind of person. He is the kind that expects you to keep up your half. He gives you a job and expects you to do it. He gives you signs and expects you to follow. Compassionate, yes. But tough? Of course.

I've realized that I haven't been doing anything this year at college so far. Honestly, I don't know where the last 3 months went. Doing things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of life? Pretty much.
So, instead of finding myself at this christian college, I've become out of touch with who I am.
My friends at home barely recognized me when I came back.
As much as I hate some of the stupid, seemingly pointless circumstances I am in, I at least TRY to deal.
I'm sick of all the hypocriticism.
I'm sick of all the crap of the world and how no one cares how it affects them.
I hate that no one seems serious about anything. Any. Thing.
SO.
Here I am. I need God. I haven't spoken honestly to him in quite a while, but HONESTLY, I know there is something more to the real God than what speakers speak.
The world depicts God in such a way that he is not.
GAH. I wish there was an easier way to make me feel like I'm actually doing something with my life. But. There's not.
I don't spend near enough time doing things that are productive.
I guess change calls?